View Full Version : Looking for consrtuctive criticism :)

04-15-2009, 07:59 PM
I'm writing a story for a level that's based on the events in the Collector's series of levels. It picks up at the end of the series and goes from there.

Here is the prologue:

Following the attacks on Little Big Planet's Creators, a voluntary militia formed to protect them, and the people. Detaining the Collector was their primary goal. Escaping with the help of some leftover creations of his own, the Collector returned to the North, and began rebuilding his legacy. Militia membership skyrocketed as the people rallied behind their beloved Creators. New tools and technologies were developed, as a Cold War gripped Little Big Planet.

The Collector broke the silence, capturing innocent sackpeople and using them in his creations, conscripting them into his army. The Creators were unified, and quick to retaliate. It was Little Big Planet's first war.

Suddenly, without warning, what once were constant skirmishes with the Collector stopped entirely. It seemed the Creators had won. Outposts and cities once maintained by the Collector's armies were derelict. The few inhabitants found were the Collector's prisoners, now lost and confused. Massive recovery efforts began, and the Planet slowly returned to the peace it once knew.

A new threat was brewing in the North. Something capable of completely silencing the Collector. This new entity reveled and grew in the veil of peace, as the Little Big Planet communities let down their guard...

The level picks up from here, placing you in one of the last defensive outposts of Little Big Planet in the North, under attack from this unknown entity. Using a combination of Tank weapon tactics and singular exploration, you march forward into the North, searching for the one responsible.

I'd like some constructive criticism on my story. Some pointers, if you will. I'd like this to be a unique level experience, and to tell a compelling story of the New Threat.

04-15-2009, 09:49 PM
Well, the story would need to be told in level form. Are you perhaps going to have a dialogue intro, much like the first MGS pack level? Does the story have a bigger plot behind it other than simply finding the Collector...again? Does your storyline affect the gameplay or does it simply fit into any tank level with the Collector stuck at the end? How many levels are you going to make for this storyline (whether or not it ends with the Collector being found)?

04-15-2009, 10:03 PM
Its a good story, and i love the concept. I think it would be kind of cool if you did these in a chain, with each level unlocking the next, making it seem a continuation of the story mode.

Telling the story might be kind of difficult though... i'd suggest maybe using a "debriefing room" at the start, with picture slide shows or something similar :P (who knows, maybe you're sackperson has been cryogenically frozen, yea baby!)

I'm not gonna comment on where your story leads... namely because i wanna see where you bring it :D

04-15-2009, 10:26 PM
I'm going to put the prologue there into a sort of "briefing room" that Burnvictim42 described. The story itself is less about the Collector, though he does play a part in it, and more about fighting through the malice set up by the New Threat. The tank itself is not even the forefront of what I'm designing.

I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who felt it was intriguing. :) Once I'm finished with my current project, I'm going to start this one. I'm very excited, as it'll be my first actual story level.

04-15-2009, 10:42 PM
Hahaha well it sounds great! If you haven't already, you might want to pick up Maraz Marati's talking mouth tool- its a lifesaver for story based levels.

I'd Love to play/test it when it comes out :D

04-16-2009, 01:07 AM
What kind of tanks will you use? I personally hope someone makes a creature tank that is aware of your presence. That way, I won't have to mess around finding the switch that moves the stupid thing. It would just move when you're in the tank. Also, are you going to take advantage of the upcoming Global Lighting Controller. I think the lighting switch, a Magnetic switch, and a piston set to out could simulate the atmosphere around a nuclear bomb. Something to think about.

Well, I hope I remember to look at the finished product when it's done. I work at night, so I'm a little bit insane.

04-16-2009, 04:05 PM
hmm... a creature tank... i understand what you're talking about. i feel like i could build that...