View Full Version : LBPC: The War

05-05-2009, 02:14 PM
Don't worry when you read the Prologue, it'll be a lot more humorous deeper into this tale.

“And that, my people, is how the Post Templates work.” An enormous round of applause echoed throughout the town hall, as Confused Cartman finished off his admirable presentation.

People in LBPCentral looked up to CC, as if he was the almighty god, and a great one at that. His decisions always were for the better, and he was a fantastic listener to all. He would perform good deeds, spending many hours working on the city, expecting no pay check in return. He could definitely never be considered a bad person.

CC stepped down from the stage, smiling cheerfully. Waving, he turned around, in the process spotting a ferocious site: Rocksauron; grinning and casting his dark forces upon the town leader. CC exploded into a mass of gore, and before anyone could check the source, Rocksauron had disappeared.

Petrified screams echoed throughout the hall, some even coming from the Mod Squad. The hall was evacuated by a dominant choice, and members left in small groups, stopping at the nearest shelter. It was a good job that they did too, night had dawned upon them and rain was currently gushing down from the clouds above.

“Hey, Dawesbr, stop kicking me,” Vhalt demanded, a serious expression spread across his face.

The reply was just a simple: “No”

“What do you mean no? Get off me!” Vhalt began to punch Dawesbr’s legs; he needed more space in this cramped hellhole.

They continued to argue, exchanging kicks to the head. There were the three in their shelter, yet they could not even sleep in a decent sized cave together. Acting like children, they continued to fight, failing to realise that they would achieve nothing from this. Their roommate Hamsalad, however, was fast asleep and was definitely the only sensible one out of those three.

“Rather a coincidence, no?” Killian laughed, much to the dissatisfaction of the rest of the Mod Squad, who were staring at him. “Oh, come on; I’m trying to lighten things up.”

“Uh... Killian, I think you left your banhammer outside, you should go grab it.” QuozL lied, holding in the urge to smirk.

“O-oh really? Well, which one of you guys wants to help me carry it in?” He didn’t have to wait long for an answer.
All the fingers in the cave shot at Elbee, who was happy to help. Normally, people would find this strange, yet Elbee was willing to help with anything. The two strolled outside, chatting.
“Right, Supersickie, hand me your banhammer for a sec.” QuozL put out his hand, and a hammer covered in vomit was handed to him. “UGH!” QuozL dropped the hammer, which landed on his toe. He screamed out in laughter, the other Mods sniggering.


“Dorien, does my armpit smell weird?” Yarbone lifted his arm up and made Dorien smell the sweat of his underarm. Dorien’s eyes bulged, and he backed away, coughing violently. “Well?”

Dorien coughed once more and then replied: “Nope.”

Rocksauron slouched back in his evil throne, grinning devilishly. Somewhat hidden behind his intimidating helmet, his eyes stared down all of the workers before him. If a single one of those buffoons stopped, he would destroy them within an instant.

All of a sudden, his mouth open and he let out a roar: “Slaves!” a hundred slaves rushed towards him, tripping over one another in the process. “What? Not all of you, I need a few of you to carry me to the meeting room.” Four scrawny slaves were pushed forward.

“But sir, why don’t you just telepor-“

“Silence, Not-so-Awesomemans, just do it!” Rocksauron’s eyes flashed red, cautioning the irritatingly witty Awesomemans.


Rocksauron was placed down in his thrown, and eyed the thousands of soldiers sitting on the other side of his colossal marble table.
“Well well, you men ought to sharpen your axes, because I have something BIG for you to deal with.” The soldiers somehow nodded their heads in synchronization, causing perplexity to overwhelm Rock for a few brief moments. “Confused Cartman has just been murdered.” Once more the soldiers performed an act in unison, this time a gasp. “Oh, quiet, you fools. It was me. I caused him to explode, thus wreaking havoc upon LBPCentral,” Rocksauron smirked slyly, “That’s right; we have successfully declared war on LBPC, and with CC gone; wiping it out should be simple.”
The soldiers cheered with almightily evil pleasure; they would finally obliterate the city that had left them outcast.


“King me.” Snrm requested confidently.

“For the last time, Snrm, we’re playing checkers.” Ghost sighed back, rolling his eyes.

“Whatever, Ghost, you’re only saying that because you’re losing.” Snrm was enjoying this, but was still actually unaware of the facts.

“Right, I’m bored of you now, go make a signature or something. I’ll be talking to Boomy.”

Ghost stood up, smacking his head on the rather low down top to the cave. He definitely wasn’t a spirit that can walk through walls, just a strange man with a strange name. Head bleeding, he crawled along the floor to Boomy.

“H-hey Boomy, what’re you-“

“Oh my god! Oh my god! This sugar has made me have SUPER POWERS! Woweeee I can fly, and look at this.” Ghost leaned forward as Boomy began to turn bright red.


Boomy exploded into many little pieces and then formed once more as one. “See? I’m half Boomish, half Flyish, and half Hallucinatingish.”

“So... you’re like Manbearpig?” Ghost replied, leaning forward once more.

The gun emitted rampaging bullets, exploding with accuracy. Behind this worn and tattered AK-47 stood Zwollie, fighting off the beads of troublesome sweat that oozed from his forehead. Many outcasts were before him, some falling to the ground in a bloody mess, and some retaliating with heavy fire.

A bullet sped into Zwollie’s arm, and he dived for cover, afterwards ripping out the bullet with his teeth. Shaking off his dizziness, he prepared to reload his gun and... It was jammed.

“UGH!” Zwollie roared, incredibly irritated at the current situation. He ripped out his shiny new revolver, and fired it above cover, giving himself valuable seconds for recovery. After reloading his prized gun, he peered round the corner, and speedily fired as many headshots as humanely possible. It was no good. They carried on pouring through the entrance in their masses, he stood no chance. Zwollie was definitely not a pessimist, and had perfectly demonstrated that by earning his supreme title ‘Sir’. Without further ado, grabbed a grenade, and tossed it at the source of the heaviest fire recognisable. Eleven men fell to their deaths, springing a brief smirk on Zwollie’s face. However, the smirk did not last long enough for his foes to recover. He pulled out several knives from his side pockets, three in each hand; he then launched these projectiles in all forwarded directions, most plunging into unexpected enemies.

Zwollie propelled himself over cover, hoarding off many men and giving him a chance to push forward. Melee combat, his speciality, was now within range. He quickly whipped out his sword, causing a wonderfully pleasant sound to fill his ears. Gripped, the sword swung around, performing skilful combos and unexpected moves. He leaped in the air, and then plummeted down gracefully, slicing an enemy in half. All the mean time, Zwollie moved forward fast, he was unstoppable... until he reached the end. There, before his eyes, stood a rather pleased looking Rocksauron.

05-05-2009, 05:14 PM
Why does RockSauron keep blowing up people like that for no reason? D:

05-05-2009, 05:37 PM
'cos he can.

I bets I dies soons :P

05-05-2009, 06:20 PM

I'll start on Chapter One now I s'pose.

05-05-2009, 06:48 PM
It's up. ^^

05-05-2009, 07:01 PM
Hehe loved it. **** right I'm not sensible...hey, wait!

Anywho, nice one about the mod squad's meeting xD And I know from personal experience that Yarbone's pit is smelly.

05-05-2009, 07:03 PM
Hehe loved it. **** right I'm not sensible...hey, wait!

Anywho, nice one about the mod squad's meeting xD And I know from personal experience that Yarbone's pit is smelly.

O_O I don't want to know how you know that. xD

Anyway, cheers, I don't usually write comedy I must say.

05-05-2009, 07:14 PM
uhm... ok ..


That was pretty cool dood xD

Or fully awesome if you prefer that :p

Don Vhalt
05-05-2009, 07:20 PM
LOL it's good
i'd kill dawesbr in a fight XD

05-05-2009, 07:21 PM
Hey, Vhalt's here!

And no way you will. THIS CRAMPED SPACE IS MINE!

05-05-2009, 07:23 PM
People, people. Can't we all follow Ham's perfect example? xD

05-05-2009, 07:23 PM
btw... there are to many epic storys :cry:

I can't read them all :(

Don Vhalt
05-05-2009, 07:24 PM
No way my cramped space!!!!! I will kill you :)

05-05-2009, 07:27 PM
HEY! I have exclusive rights to an LBPC story! ... I have the document somewhere... ah, hell. *causes Ghost to explode*

Lol. anyway, yay, someone else is doing something like this :D Cool... though chaopter one IS supposed to not make TOO much sense yet... right?... RIGHT?!

05-05-2009, 07:36 PM
Nice story! Rocksauron's blowing-up-people-for-no-reason skills are pretty impressive.

05-05-2009, 09:48 PM
lol, nice.
I knew Rocksauron was evil all along, and this is the proof i needed :p
*Call the cops* >_>

05-06-2009, 02:28 PM
We can't have an LBPC story without Rock now can we? xD

05-06-2009, 03:10 PM
Chapter three's up. :O

05-06-2009, 04:31 PM
Hehehehe...not-so-awesomemans...take that :P

Nice chapter :P

05-06-2009, 08:12 PM

hm... maybe I SHOULD declare war on LBPC :/

05-06-2009, 08:32 PM
You already have like 20 times!

05-07-2009, 05:20 PM
New chapter alreadeh. :O

05-07-2009, 05:23 PM
Gruesome! I noticed a couple of errors, such as unexpected enemies sounds wrong, unless The Accidental Hero accidentally hit them. Nice chapter though. Sounds like an epic battle between Zwols and Sauron up next!

05-07-2009, 05:25 PM
Gruesome! I noticed a couple of errors, such as unexpected enemies sounds wrong, unless The Accidental Hero accidentally hit them. Nice chapter though. Sounds like an epic battle between Zwols and Sauron up next!

Hmm... I'll edit that in a sec, but I meant that he did not expect to hit them, there's a difference. :P

And yes... there will be. MWHA- *Cough*

I'll leave the evil laugh to Rock I suppose. D:

EDIT: Oicwutudidthar.

05-07-2009, 07:29 PM
... I love being the main baddie :p

05-07-2009, 07:32 PM
... I love being the main baddie :p

:P I imagine you do. xD