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Drakora
01-14-2010, 01:00 AM
Sentenced to Death
A story by beginner writer Drakon136.

PROLOGUE

Day after day I wait. Nothing more. Just hours of waiting. Many things have happened since I came here, but all of it was ignored. I once sat through a prison breakout. My friend told me to escape with him, but I ignored it. The guards thought we were the ones planning it, so we were beaten. I sat through that as well. Nobody knows why I wait. Some think I am dead. Others believe I am asleep. They are all wrong. I wait for an important reason. There is a shipment of guns coming to the guards this week. I plan to steal it. It is either that, or my days of waiting will be pointless. I will be executed the same day.

I am Varron Jaquis, and I am on Death Row.
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CHAPTER 1

It is quite boring in my cell. The only time it is interesting is when one of my partners smuggles in some alcohol. I’ve never had fun in prison until Ed came in drunk. Most hilarious thing I’ve ever seen. That was when I got the idea of my escape.



Ed barges into Varron’s cell with a pencil, paper, and a half-empty six-pack. “Ed! What’re ya’ doin’ here?”
“*hiccup* None of your *hiccup* business *collapse*” he replied.
“You okay?” I questioned.
“Yeah. Just *hiccup* drunk,” he answered.
“Yeesh. Any left?” I asked.
He gets up. “*burp* Sorry. Not too often you get alcohol in here,”
“Point taken,” I replied. “What brings you here anyway?”
“Jus’ wanted to show ya sumthin,” he answered.
“Well, show me.” I stated.
“First, can I use your toilet?” he pondered.
“Tell me what it is first.” I told him.
“M’kay.” He said. “Basically, it involves and armoured van full of guns, us, breaking out, and...”
“Shush.” I told him.
“Why?” he asked.
I smiled. “You had me at ‘armoured’.”
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CHAPTER 2

“Good. I’ll tell you the plan.”
I was all ears for the first time in my life.
“Okay. One of my contacts said that there is a shipment of guns coming to the prison in a few weeks. Fully armoured van. Nothing weaker than a rocket can get through. He also said that all of the employees, other than a few guards that’ll stay in the cell blocks, are protecting it.”
“So how will we get the guns?”
“Patience, my friend. Patience.”
I hate it when he says that, I thought.
“That contact of mine guards the armoury at night. He said he could, eh, lose the spare key by my cell. That way, we can get enough guns to arm ourselves against the guards. He also said that the ceremonial panzerschreck is in there.”
“Panzerschreck?”
“Yeah, panzerschreck. It’s German for “tank terror,” I think. It was made during World War Two.”
“Ah. Continue.”
“Okay. Once we get in the armoury, we take as many guns as we can use, round up our partners, and bring them to the armoury. We also take the panzerschreck. After that, we put a suppressor on a pistol of some sort, knock out my contact, and plant a few rounds in his chest to make it look believable. I’ll also put this,“ he showed me the paper he brought, “in his pocket, which’ll have him thrown in here, if he lives.“
“Why?“ I asked.
“That is a printed version of our IM conversation, where we told me the whole thing. You know, so he doesn’t rat us out.“
“Got it.“
“Once we ensure his death was true, we’ll sneak to the van. We fire the Panzerschreck, blow a hole in the van, and preferably and guards too close to it, and open fire with our actual guns. Once they’re dead, we take the guns, throw them in a truck, and drive off. Got it?”
“Sure do.”
“Now if you excuse me, I gotta go take a dump.”
He sat there.
“Nevermind.” He smiled.
STAB! THUMP.
I wiped the blood off my hands. “Remember kids, always have a dagger or two handy in case someone takes a dump on the floor.” I chucked.
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More to come soon. If you wish to to recieve updates about the story, such as the publishing of a new chapter, PM me saying that you would like to subscribe to the story Sentenced to Death.
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Subscribers
buddy_hamster123

ButterflySamurai
01-14-2010, 12:27 PM
If you are planning on continuing the story, it would do you a disservice to give you feedback now.

You could spend the next 10 years of your life editing that one paragraph and one sentence.

That is not a comment on quality - that is to say that in difference moods you will favour different words and sentence structures, so if you look at it over a long period of time, you will want to rewrite it every time you change your mood.

It is generally considered easier to write it all then revise it all. Quicker too.

There are a few reasons, preference always comes into play - but in the end, I find discussion flows better if talking points are kept to a minimum.

Couchmuffin
01-14-2010, 12:58 PM
I like it. nice beggining

buddy_hamster123
01-14-2010, 05:34 PM
cool i wanna play this sounds great i wonder how you come up with great idears...........................

Drakora
01-14-2010, 10:48 PM
Thanks for the feedback everyone! I really appreciate it.
@buddy_hamster123: What do you mean by "play it?"

buddy_hamster123
01-15-2010, 04:50 PM
it is a lbp level isnt in:confused:

Drakora
01-15-2010, 11:07 PM
No. F4F can be used for more than levels, like in chezhead's The Weight of Death story.

Also, I am releasing a (few) new chapter(s) today.

EDIT: Chapter 1 is out now. I'm working on Chapter 2 right now.
EDIT #2: Added Chapter 3.

buddy_hamster123
01-16-2010, 09:47 AM
cool its like a book in the making i like it