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DulledDoll
06-10-2010, 05:30 AM
So I'm doing a Original Character Tourney on dA... and was wondering if anyone would be interested in reading my bio for my character.

I'm going to heavily revise it, but I just wanted to drop it here and see what people thought..

"Doctor," Vex V3

Vex was maybe born during the early 21st century, she really doesnít know, or care. Vex is not her real name, but it was what she remembers of her past life, so she identifies herself as Vex.

Vex used to be a professional doctor, who at the remarkable age of 15, preformed her first surgery in a school infirmary during a school shooting. It was widely acclaimed that a 15 year old girl saved a young manís life while a gunman held school-children hostage. However, the gunman shot and killed her friends, and she was never really right since. While she was praised and idolized as a hero, she felt herself at fault for not being able to save her friends.

Her father, who was a acclaimed plastic surgeon and taught her everything he knew, seeing her like this, he prescribed her painkillers and antidepressants to help her.

Now, donít criticize her father just yet, the medication seemed to lift her spirits just enough to just be labeled as just a Ďpessimistic child,í This was not her initial down-fall, but it certainly did help later on that she was able to get a hold of such medication.

She lived her life in a bubble, having no friends, she turned to her publicity and work to keep her company. It was only when she first got surgery that she began to corrupt herself. By the time she was in college, there were new medications and anesthesia drugs that literally suspended someone in a pleasant dream-like state. It was denied by the FDA, but was released onto the streets going by sleep-aid. Vex was instantly hooked on it, after she had broken a couple bones and didnít want to wait for them to heal. She contracted a underground doctor to help her, to keep her twisted sense of publicity sane.

Vex started hurting herself just so she could go under the knife to experience sleep-aid.
It became really bad, days, even months, of blurred time in pleasure and draw-backs. Vex wanted to stay asleep forever, but she always had to wake up. Horribly addicted to it she started to get plastic surgery since her old supplier was always running out; she got a million dollar worth body, which people would murder to get. Vex didnít care, she was in it for the drugs.

It finally came down to one, horrible, horrible night. Vex had been overdosing on her painkillers for two weeks straight, and was going into surgery again. She laid on the sanitized table, and the last thing she felt were the drugs being injected into her arm.

It happened gradually, but surely.

She started to bleed internally, first slowly, but then other restructured veins began to give way. The artificial plastic was falling apart, and Vex began dying on that table. Now, people have wondered what would happen if you almost died under sleep-aid, Vex has experienced it first-hand. Her experience was pure ecstasy of bliss; her life was dangling at deathís front door, and all she could feel was, free.

The doctors didnít know what to do with her. They panicked, having her die at their clinic would surely ruin their business. The doctors had to think quickly, and they asked a mechanic who was waiting for his surgery outside if he could help. He had been working on a new line of human helping robots that could be imbedded with human personalities, but he wasnít quite sure if it could take actual, humans. They tried it anyway, and after hours of work, with Vexís blood all over the operating room, she emerged as a robot.

A simple robot, without the words for feelings.

Vex didnít really remember anything, her memory didnít properly lapse into files while they were working. She was then taken by the doctors and hidden away in a private warehouse, where she waited, for 240 years.
She waited.

It wasnít until two centuries and a half later that she was discovered by a rebel group raiding the warehouse. They first saw her as a old, useless model A.I. robot, but Vex began to talk. She was confused, and didnít know that she was a robot. She thought that she was just, dead.

The rebels began talking to her, and her memory files began to copy data back into her. She remembered about field surgery, medicine, everything except a few key memories of who she was. The rebels called her ĎVex V3,í. V3 was mentioned for the type of model they thought she was.

Vex helped the rebels in her new environment, she treated to the wounded efficiently, and was able to make swift work of any wound or injury. She was a glimmer of hope to the rebels, and was revealed as a savior of some-sort.

But the war didnít last long.

The rebels were crushed, and Vex went into hiding.

She currently just wanders around the dead utopia of L.A., stealing and killing strangers for money, so that one day she could maybe buy some non-existent surgery to be a human again.

Xario
06-10-2010, 07:33 AM
I have no idea what "an Original Character Tourney on dA" means, but these are a lot of very small letters - I see no way to implement that much text anywhere near a level in LBP and I am not going to read it unless you elaborate on its purpose, reduce the amount of words and use a bigger font size. Oh and I wouldn't ask people to review something (I know you didn't technically, but you want feedback, right?) followed by "I gonna change everything anyway". Remember, everyone's time is limited. No offence.

Silverleon
06-10-2010, 07:52 AM
I have no idea what "an Original Character Tourney on dA" means, but these are a lot of very small letters - I see no way to implement that much text anywhere near a level in LBP and I am not going to read it unless you elaborate on its purpose, reduce the amount of words and use a bigger font size. Oh and I wouldn't ask people to review something (I know you didn't technically, but you want feedback, right?) followed by "I gonna change everything anyway". Remember, everyone's time is limited. No offence.

Wth?
This is creative writting section, not level showcase...
Sheesh, what's yer problem?

And what do you mean yer not reading it unless the font is enlarged and there is less text?
So in other words you can't read long texts and are asking the author to simplify it just for you?

Tch...

Xario
06-10-2010, 07:57 AM
That level showcase hint was in order, I didn't realize that, thx. No further problems. Sorry for sounding harsh, but I thought my actual statement was clear: I am not reading a "rather" long text, that is relativly hard to read, without any clue whats it for, without any imho obvious connection to the basis, why we are spending time in this forum (which is LBP) just because anyone (sorry again) is asking me to do so, especially with the announcement, that it will only slightly matter anyway.

Instead my smart *** comes out, thinking, hey maybe that user hasn't considered my point of view, maybe it'll help the process, if I tell him.

So in other words, I am quite able to read texts of any size, just don't alway want to (I expect a shorter text on the back of a book than inside of it) and am asking the author to simplfy and clearify the reason for posting and the task he is asking to someone accidently surfing by.

Again, I didn't actually know there was this free creative writing thread. Can I un-display it under "What's new?"

DulledDoll
06-10-2010, 07:31 PM
Well I'm not forcing you to read it... thats one thing :/

I really don't care if you don't want to read it, If it's rather long and hard to read then don't read it.

I'm just asking if anyone would be interested in reading this bio and giving me feedback, nothing more nothing less.

The 'heavily revision' part is mainly just grammar fixes and whatnot.

Its really okay though, sorry If I didn't make sense of it. Please ask me if theres anything that needs to be cleared up, thank c:

Xario
06-11-2010, 02:20 PM
I can easily live with that :) sorry again, I could have been more polite. You see however, after a day, we are still on page 1 reply-wise. Would you anyway enlighten me about "an Original Character Tourney on dA"? Still can't put anything into it.

<-- not a native speaker

DulledDoll
06-11-2010, 11:24 PM
dA, or deviant Art is a site for artists [ mainly wannabes ] to she their work to a community of other artists.

I'm doing a OCT, original character tourney, which is basically battle royale in art form. You create an original character, not a character from a anime or book, and submit a application sheet and reference sheet. Then if you get accepted [ not everyone does, the one that I'm applying for with doctor V has over 100 applicants for a 36 spot tourney .3. ] then you're character will be matched up against another character, and you have to depict a story with your character winning. Then they will look at the two and judge, the best one will be used as the cannon of the tourney, and you go on to the next round.

You can use any form of media, but sometimes its limited.

Xario
06-12-2010, 04:55 AM
<---- learned something new :)
@DulledDoll: Thanks, actually, now I am intrigued and interested in what you've written so far, oct sounds cool. Though I'm falling asleep and a cramped weekend might prevent me from reading it all (and giving feedback) before monday. We talk again.