View Full Version : Planet of the Noobs

12-17-2011, 08:31 AM
Sackboy polished off the Sixaxis controller. He peered into the vast space of...space...in front of him. How he longed to venture across it once more. He hadn't played in ages.
In a mediocre attempt to impress the sackgirl of his dreams, Sackboy had totaled the Pod. He was left stranded in the middle of nowhere, with no food, water, girl, and most importantly; internet. The router had been damaged in the crash, and all contact with the community was lost. Sackboy was alone. So very alone.

No matter. He had survived a crash that resulted from trying to do donuts with a Pod in the middle of nowhere, and he could survive solitude. He had done it before, and he could do it again. However, it wasn't as easy as it seemed.
After what seemed like forever, Sackboy had waken up from a very VERY deep sleep. He wiped the drool from his face and sat up. He didn't know how long he'd slept, or where he had drifted. All he was aware of was the crunching pain in his tummy. He hadn't eaten at ALL. He promised himself to survive off of the cardboard in the Pod, but as usual, he forgot and fell asleep. For a long, LONG time.
Wait a minute, he thought. I know what to do! He unzipped himself, and stuffed random crud he found on the floor into his stomach. Success! For two minutes at least. Sackboy found himself wharfing all over the place, and eventually passed out once again.
So here he was, with no food, water, girl, internet, friends, or clue. Again. But that was all about to change. Now, as he pressed the START button on the controller, he was flying towards LBP once again. He couldn't wait to see civilization again.

Sackboy made sure he wouldn't doze off again by constantly slapping himself in his cuddly face. It wasn't the best idea, but he hadn't a coffee machine to help him this time. He would have to endure the pain like he had ever since he crashed to make it back. It would all be worth it, after all, to see his friends again.
Sackboy smiled to himself. He had done it. After such a long time catching Z's, he managed to get a grip and reconnect to the internet. He thought about all the things he could do again; play, build, eat, and...stuff. He just hoped that he would get there quick enough.

Suddenly, Sackboy felt himself relaxing. He was very familiar with this feeling, and stood up straight. He wasn't going to let sleep conquer him again. Not this time.

Sackboy collapsed into a snot bubble-blowing heap of sleep. Failure. Again. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF--
He dreamed about his former home, LBP. About all the people and things he loved. He excited himself so much so that he woke up. In a panic, Sackboy scrambled up to the window. He saw it! There it was, the community. He had never been so happy in his life! Well, there was that party, and the thingy, aw, man. But, he was still happy nonetheless.
As he drifted closer, however, that happiness deflated like a party balloon after your little cousin sits on it. He looked at his moon; laden with dust. But the moon is chock-full of dust, so yeah. That's normal. But as he turned to the planet, he couldn't believe his beady eyes.

OH MY GOD--it was exactly the same. Sackboy blew a sigh of relief. He thought the universe was going to go all "Planet of the Apes" on his butt and--

Sackboy stopped. He noticed something peculiar about the planet. It was...duller. It used to be blanketed in a rainbow frenzy of fantastical Japanese wonder. Scratch the Japanese part. But, some of the color had faded. Sackboy shrugged. Somebody probably just washed it in with with the whites again. Gotta keep it clean.

After about ten minutes, Sackboy had touched down. He scurried out of the Pod, but to no paradise. His eyes widened as he scanned the horizon; it was tainted and beaten, it looked neglected. He ran towards it, hoping that it was all a nightmare, but it was all too real. He peered down at the level pages, and was scarred for life. They were blotched with
H4H's, Shark and Bomb Survivals, Free Costumes and Prizes, and supposedly "Funny" Shorts with illegible grammar.

"How..." Sackboy began, "how long have I been GONE?!"

He staggered backwards, and fell over. He had tripped on what seemed to be a shark's tooth. He looked up to see a horrible creature peering at him with oddly colorful eyes, covered in sharp shark teeth. He screamed and started off.
"DOnT run," the thing blabbered, "i m uh fr3nd."
Sackboy stopped, and twirled around. "What?" he asked, walking slowly back.
"I SEd i u frEnd."
Sackboy was confused. "Um, do you speak any English?"
The thing only got frustrated. "OMgz y u JUs get trunzl8tuR cuz i tawlk LIek dis k i m noob."
"Um, did you say 'a translator'?" Sackboy asked. He looked around. Surely he could find one in one of the 'Free Prizes' levels...
NO. He wasn't going to resort to that kind of action. He would never fall victim to the noobs! He couldn't.
"I no WHut ur tinking," the thing said. "U haf 2 trusst meh, U cAN knot EEscap witOUT eet."
"No way. I'm NOT going in there. I'll get cooties..."
"Okay, okay," Sackboy said, glaring at the tooth creature. He started down the hill. "Stupid tooth-thingy, how many sharks died to make THAT guy?" He stopped in front of the patch for the prize level. He shuddered as he walked towards it. From now on, he was unclean. There was still time to quit...
But he was too desperate. He opened the patch and dove in. He opened his horrified eyes to s blank level. "Huh, it's not that bad," he cheeped.

He spoke too soon. Prize bubbles with poorly-made objects rained from the heavens onto Sackboy's unsuspecting head. The crows...so many CROWS. Sackboy fell to the ground, still being bombarded with the flurry of bubbles. He didn't want this crud! He was just about to return to the Pod when he heard a popping noise. He looked up, just past the bubbles. There was a black speech bubble that read "You have reached the maximum amount of community items..."
"YES!" Sackboy cheered, getting up. But he fell face-first when he read "Older items will be deleted and replaced with newer ones."
This wasn't going to be easy. He felt like a fish out of water, floundering around on the floor. Apparently, the creature didn't find this hard at all.
"OMGosh ITs 2 ez alLZ u gOaatta doo is WALK," he taunted, walking past the helpless Sackboy.
"Easy for you to say," he grunted. "I haven't been attacked by this many bubbles since my sister ate a soap bar."
The creature sighed. Or was it a burp? Sackboy couldn't tell. "KK, Ill healp YEWwz;./" The creature took Sackboy by the hand and dragged him to the scoreboard.
No lives lost! it said.
"Lies. I think I died inside," Sackboy whined.
"SSSHSHHUSSHHHSUHH..." the creature ordered him. Somewhere between the headlines, there was a prize. "Tranzlatur" it said. Sackboy patted himself on the back.
"DUN get 2 yewsed too it," the creature warned him. "U r A kake mayn."
Sackboy gave him a weird look, and lifted himself up. They were immediately transported to the Pod.
"Alright," Sackboy said, taking control of the computer, "let's see if we can get that translator to work for you." He flew down to a space on his moon, and opened his Poppit.
"Ugh, stupid loading time," he grumbled. He looked at the creature. "I think your teeth are making the game lag."
The creature was appalled. "WEll whutEVar." It stared at the sky. "I tinks mY moodeer kalled meh uh 'lag' B4, or SUMtimhg dat sOUndeed LIEYk eet..."
Finally, the item loaded. But to no avail.
You need the 'Marvel Pack 1" pack.
To be continued...maybe...possibly.

So yeah. You're probably reading this if you either:
A) Finished this part of the story
B) Skipped over it
Well, either way, what you might have read was a little story of mine that I conjured up because I had time. Hope you liked it. I didn't take it too seriously, so it probably isn't my BEST writing.
P.S.: Do you know what or who the creature is? You probably do. There are a ton of them in-game.

12-21-2011, 11:28 AM
Just the fact that you took the time to write this you get my RESPECT.

12-21-2011, 01:59 PM
Bravo. I can't wait to see what happens next.


H4H fRee scorpians bomb survival shark attack with fRee prizes!!1! plz r8 5 sTarS and heaRt!!1!
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A tribute to what type of things that can ruin the community moon