Corrupt Wishes

Granted, but the movie roler person passes out and you have nothing to watch.
I wish that pigs could fly.

Granted, but they fly into your face

I wish i could go out for dinner every night

Granted, you always go to a restaurant where meat/fish is WAY overcooked.

I wish I had spiky hair.

Granted, you are undeservedly ridiculed everywhere you go for your silly haircut.

I wish I had a quieter laptop.

Granted, but you lost it and now you can't find it.

I wish I had a stronger PC.

Granted, but then it uses it's "strength" to pick you up and throw you out your window.

I wish lag didn't exist.

Granted, now you have ralentizations.

I wish I found the LBPKarting Special Edition somewhere :C

Granted, but it's broken.

I wish I wasn't so hungry.

Granted, you are now so thirsty you faint.

The end.

I wish I hadn't ended already.

Granted, but it's so horrible that you now wish that it ended.

I wish that you never made that wish, forcing everyone to wish that it had ended.

Granted, but time paradox. We're back at the prehistory.

I wish I found a dinosaur

Granted, but it eats you even before you have an oportunity of taking a photo of it.

I wish that dinosaur hadn't eat anybody.

Granted, but this also creates a wish-fueled time paradox resulting in the end of the universe.

I wish my Vita had infinite battery life.

Granted, but as the end of the universe had already happened as you stated, it is absolutely useless now.

I wish people didn't corrupt wishes with paradoxes, destruction of the universe or similar stuff :D

Granted, but you can't go back in time and undo what has already been done, and therefore you create a time para--

I wish the universe didn't implode before I finished my sentence.

Granted, it simply exploded, turned into gold, froze, melted and got Michael Bay'd. All at once.

I wish the CD I ordered arrived already

It does, but as you modified the flux of time to get things happen before they should have, the guy accidentally crashes and breaks the last copy of the CD you ordered. Into a thousand pieces.

I wish Chuck Norris wasn't invincible.

Granted, but you get kicked in the face before you get close to him.

And being close to him means being at less that 100000000 km

I wish I knew more english

Granted. You just learn ONE new word. And you don't like the meaning of it.

I wish I could be a successful game developer.

Granted, but you work at Zynga.

I wish they released a Valve Level Pack for LBP (ooohhh, I can dream)