Corrupt Wishes

Granted, but everyone thinks you're a vampire and stakes you to death.

I wish for immortality.

Granted, but you have to be Sir_monacle. 8D

I wish Sir_monacle hadn't misspelled "monocle" in his username.

Granted, but now he misspelled "sir".

I wish I can wake up whenever I want.

Granted, but you are constantly tired.

I wish I liked burgers.

Granted, but now you live an unhealthy life as a fat man.

I wish I can eat anything without getting any harmful effects from the food.

Granted, but you aren't ever satisfied with what you eat.

I wish someone else would beat ZeRo in Sm4sh.

Granted, but that someone else is Donald Trump. 8D

I wish Donald wasn't so terrible.

Granted, but "Donald" is Donald Duck. 8D

I wish everyone had enough food to live.

Granted, but the food is in the 1st world.

I wish I'll rule the afterlife.

Granted, but you become corrupt and everyone alive takes extra measures to prolong their lives.

I wish I could stop taking Language Arts ever.

Granted, but you're taking Toilet Arts now.

I wish for a jar of dirt.

Granted, but you're forced to eat it.

I wish I didn't have a history test today.

Granted, but now you have a fight of death today.

I wish for servants.

Granted, but they start a riot.

I wish I could Golden Hammer "Clear Classic on 9.0 without losing a life".

Granted, but you can't do anything else anymore.

I wish I could beat Bed of Chaos on 1st try, annihilate Minerva, parry every invader and find the mafia.

Granted, but you still haven't learned to walk.

I wish no paradoxes would result in banning this wish.

Granted, but now you have a brain cancer.

I wish connection wasn't such an idiot.

Granted, but now everyone you connect with is.

I wish you hadn't made me think which forum games I like most by posting in so many.

Granted, but now I made you throw up for 10* minutes straight.

I wish for refreshment.

Granted, but it's your least favorite drink.

I wish I wasn't put in certain advanced classes because of scheduling issues.