Corrupt Wishes

Granted, but then you drown into the dark web and lose your sanity.

I wish L1N3R1D3R's videos won't kill me.

Granted, but they make you groan at the terrible jokes.

I wish I didn't have to worry about current events.

Granted, but then those events burn down your house.

I wish I can transform into anything.

Granted, but you can only do it once, and that is when you are drunk.

I wish my package would ship faster.

Granted, but it can not exist any faster. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I wish wild boys chose a way.

Granted, but they chose to eat you.

I wish I were a wild boy.

Granted, but then you wonder where is glory.

I wish wild boys wouldn't try to break me again.

Granted, but they want to have fun with you, all at once.

I wish I could have a robot catch bugs on the island at night for me in Animal Crossing.

Granted, but then world ends in Animal Crossing and everyone dies.

I wish my girlfriend's parents weren't such ungrateful bricks.

Granted, but they're ungrateful people. 8)

I wish I could use your girlfriend's parents to build my house.

Granted, but they screw everything up and the next thing you know is that you're trapped in your collapsed house.

I wish Hollywood is more original.

Granted, but it steals all of your ideas.

I wish my friends had more open days.

Granted, but your fate is closed and you get hit by a meteorite when they have open days.

I wish I had a powerful computer.

Granted, but it overpowers the world and turns everything into unchanging monotony.

I wish we could play Monopoly together.

Granted, but it's serious stuff and you lose everything you have.

I wish for immortality without any penalties.

Granted, but everything gets boring.

I wish for perfect morality.

Granted, then sun does supernova and everyone dies.

I wish nobody can not kill me.

Granted, but after reading over your sentence, you are murdered.

I wish your name was xtremesackboy so I could be excused for my crimes.

Granted, but you get killed by me before you can do anything.

I wish computer wouldn't be so crappy in deck shuffling.

Granted, but the cards are always in your opponents' favor.

I wish people would learn the difference between "it's" and "its".