Corrupt Wishes

Granted, but now he's rolling. You see him rollin'. You hatin'.

I wish I knew which cards would be the funniest to make.

Granted, but then the Russian government forces you to make them in their name.

I wish U.S.A. wouldn't eat my hamburgers.

Granted, but now the communists eat them.



I wish I was asleep right now.

Granted, but you will never wake up because you forgot to eat and you starved to death.

I wish I had the deathnote.

Granted, but you die.

I wish I could live with full energy without needing to sleep.

Granted, but if you stop using your energy, your lungs fill up with blood and you choke from the result. So, uhh. Don't stop moving, mmm'kay?




I wish I had a medical licence.

Granted, but you're also a drug addict.

I wish I got 999 rupees.

Granted, but they're completely worthless.




I wish I could post twice.

Granted, but you can only type 2 letters in each post.

I wish I can play all week without consequences.

Granted, but you broke this forum game.

I wish we could just get along and not hate anyone else.

Granted, but we all band together to hate jobs.




I wish I had a bag o' fluff.

Granted, but the bag is full of fluffy, hungry wolves and you are their 1st meal.

I wish it's already weekend.

Granted, but you're trapped as those two days loop over and over again.




I wish I knew what to wish for.

Granted, but you already wasted your wish.

I wish Sir monacle is in my pokeball.

Granted, but it'd rather be outside.




I wish there was flat-screen Television set in this Pokeball. That'll do.

Granted, but you can only watch The Kardashians from it.

I wish chairs can talk.

Granted, but only you can hear them, and they never shut up.




I wish I had a computer inside this Pokeball so I can play forum games while TenebrisNemo abuses other Pokémon in battle.

Granted, but the computer is from the 90s.

I wish I can slap people over the internet.

Granted, but you must be punched in return.

I wish I could express just how much I loathe the current presidency.

Granted, but you're just one drop of that mass and I would happily silence you all with a flamethrower.

I wish I could burn you AND the presidency.