Corrupt Wishes

Granted, now that knowledge makes you commit suicide.

I wish I can enjoy my free time without anyone barking at me.

Granted, but now they punch you each time you talk to them.




I wish people wouldn't punch me after I've mentioned their loved ones.

Granted. Now they shoot you.

I wish my lollipop is safe.

Granted, but I ate it.




I wish TenebrisNemo wasn't preparing to surgically remove the lollipop from me.

Granted. Now he take it from you non-surgically.

I wish Sir monacle finds his true love.

Granted, but he dies as soon as he finds it. Wait a minute...




I wish that I will not die when I find my true love.

Granted, but you aren't their true love.

I wish everyone's relationships could work out.

Granted, but they work themselves to death.




I wish I had what that guy wished for.

Granted, but that guy kicks you in the crotch every night from now on.

I wish people wouldn't keep overshadowing me.

Granted, but now they foreshadow your entire life.




I wish I could tell the future.

Granted, but whenever you do, you lose a part of your brain.

I wish dumb people would die right now.

Granted, but only the most intellectual people stay alive, and I'm afraid we're not one of 'em.




I wish I could leave mars.

Granted, but you die immediately when you do.

I wish I have unlimited power.

Granted, but you lose your soul and your body to do so.

I wish I knew what I wanted to study in college.

Granted, but you choose to study religion. 8)




I wish L1N3R1D3R didn't try to kill me as gratitude for helping him become pope.

Granted, now he banishes you with his holy powers.

I wish I become the pope.

Granted, but there can only be one.




I wish TenebrisNemo didn't kill L1N3R1D3R, the current pope.

Granted, but he killed you as the current pope.

I wish I could announce my agnosticism without conservatives getting angry at me.

Granted, but now some random serial killer got angry at you and killed you immediately with a spoon.

I wish bidoofs would beat squirrels.

Granted, but they conquer the world.




I wish the great planet of mars is safe from all unpatriotic rats!. Glory to our great leader!