Corrupt Wishes

Granted, but everyone thinks you're a vampire and stakes you to death.

I wish for immortality.

Granted, but you have to be Sir_monacle. 8D

I wish Sir_monacle hadn't misspelled "monocle" in his username.

Granted, but now he misspelled "sir".

I wish I can wake up whenever I want.

Granted, but you are constantly tired.

I wish I liked burgers.

Granted, but now you live an unhealthy life as a fat man.

I wish I can eat anything without getting any harmful effects from the food.

Granted, but you aren't ever satisfied with what you eat.

I wish someone else would beat ZeRo in Sm4sh.

Granted, but that someone else is Donald Trump. 8D

I wish Donald wasn't so terrible.

Granted, but "Donald" is Donald Duck. 8D

I wish everyone had enough food to live.

Granted, but the food is in the 1st world.

I wish I'll rule the afterlife.

Granted, but you become corrupt and everyone alive takes extra measures to prolong their lives.

I wish I could stop taking Language Arts ever.

Granted, but you're taking Toilet Arts now.

I wish for a jar of dirt.

Granted, but you're forced to eat it.

I wish I didn't have a history test today.

Granted, but now you have a fight of death today.

I wish for servants.

Granted, but they start a riot.

I wish I could Golden Hammer "Clear Classic on 9.0 without losing a life".

Granted, but you can't do anything else anymore.

I wish I could beat Bed of Chaos on 1st try, annihilate Minerva, parry every invader and find the mafia.

Granted, but you still haven't learned to walk.

I wish no paradoxes would result in banning this wish.

Granted, but now you have a brain cancer.

I wish connection wasn't such an idiot.

Granted, but now everyone you connect with is.

I wish you hadn't made me think which forum games I like most by posting in so many.

Granted, but now I made you throw up for 10* minutes straight.

I wish for refreshment.

Granted, but it's your least favorite drink.

I wish I wasn't put in certain advanced classes because of scheduling issues.

Granted, but now you've been put in certain advanced school because of it.

I wish for a Metal Gear for my own use.

Granted, but it self-destructs if you do anything without authorization for each action.

I wish that stupid Classic 9.0 w/o Dying challenge would go screw off.

Granted, but it went to screw off in your bedroom for eternity. 8)

I wish we could create portals to different fantasy dimensions.

Granted, but you can only create them on moon dust surfaces.

I wish I had a Portal gun that worked on most surfaces.

Granted, but government takes it away from you before you can use it.

I wish I can sleep in peace every night.

Granted, but you're constantly tired.

I wish I would stay true to my mains.

Granted, but you won't stay true to your will to live.

I wish jet fuel can melt steel beams.

Granted, but what does that accomplish?

I wish I would just buckle down and edit videos.

Granted, but what does that accomplish?

I wish my brother would stop playing so loudly during the night.

Granted, but you still can't sleep, and now there's nothing interesting to hear.

I wish Arin were good at video games.

Granted, but now he's in coma for the rest of his life.

I wish Kellan wouldn't be such a sad person.

Granted, but now he constantly pesters you.

I wish I knew what you were talking about.

Granted, but you don't know what everyone else is talking about anymore.

I wish I had time for everything I wanted to do.

Granted, but you suddenly want absolutely nothing.

I wish Brandon Turner had more time for animations.

Granted, but now he doesn't have time to publish them.

I wish I would never be tired.

Granted, but you get terrible grades.

I wish Jigglypuff were somewhat good in Smash 4.

Granted, but its too OP and everyone uses it to win easily.

I wish I could hold on to my promises.

Granted, but you promise something awful when you're out of your right mind.

I wish more people would realize how BS certain subjects are.

Granted, but then they changed them to pure torture.

I wish people wouldn't be so aggressive.

Granted, but now they're so passive that nothing gets done.

I wish there would be another episode of Guest Grumps.