Corrupt Wishes

Granted, but you have to live with me.

I wish the thought of meeting people online weren't so scary.

Granted, but now they hunt you down and kill you.

I wish I could fly like an angel.

Granted, but every time you do you have to pay the government millions of dollars.

I wish I could settle on a main in Smash 4.

Granted but then your fingers explode.

I wish I could sleep for as long as I like.

Granted, but you are still tired all the time.

I wish unicorns were real.

Granted, but they went extinct right at that moment and now North Korea rules the world.

I wish people had common sense.

Granted, but they do it so subtly that you still think they don't.

I wish milkshakes didn't have so many calories.

Granted, but now milkshakes give you cancer.

I wish I was a happy little Sauron who conquered the world.

Granted, but now the world is a desolate dump.

I wish I could be talented at English class.

Granted, but you speak English so well that everyone thinks you're bad at it.

I still wish I lived forever.

Granted, but you can never experience joy.

I wish nothing were overly philosophical.

Granted, but then you realized your wish was your true philosophy of existence.

I wish I win everyone.

Granted, but you lose all your other possessions.

I wish I could have a small loan of a million dollars.

Granted, but you get mugged the very moment and lose everything.

I wish I'm the richest man on earth.

Granted, but you are hated by 60% of American voters.

I wish I could become president unanimously.

Granted, but then you realize that you are a puppet and a tool of some unknown organization.

I wish world ends.

Granted, but scientists were wrong when they said there were probably other life-bearing planets out there.

I wish the English final weren't so hard.

Granted, but now you have Finnish finals which are even harder. 8D

I wish humanity would stop destroying itself.

Granted, but it builds itself so much that we ruin the Earth.

I wish I could express my opinions without people ****ting on them.

Granted, but instead your opinions becomes their toilets.

I wish I got 99 solutions.

Granted, but you won't be one. 8D

I wish I could make an amazing evil laugh.

Granted, but that is the only vocalisation you are capable of.

I wish for 100,000 large jars of peanut butter.

Granted, but you are forced to eat them all at once.

I wish I would never have the hiccups again.

Granted, but now you have a cancer once a year.

I wish for more milk!

Granted, but it's spoiled.

I wish we weren't playing the forum games at the same time. It gets confusing.

Granted, but now everyone else on LBPC plays the forum games at the same time. 8D

I wish Silent wasn't so bad at games.

Granted, but now ['Silent'?] is bad at Frisbee...

I wish I knew who this Silent was.

Granted, but his lack of skills is disturbing and it makes you commit suicide.

I wish Olrox wasn't such painful pale jerk.

Granted, but I had to use Google to find who Olrox is.

I wish you would reference characters or people everyone knows about.

Granted, but those characters are Jar-Jar Binks, kid Anakin, and Qui-Gon Jinn

I wish Dragon Ball continuity made sense

Granted, but real life doesn't make any sense.

I wish my voice weren't gone today.

Granted, but instead your soul is gone forever.

I wish that I will never get sausage beans from Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans box.

Granted, but you get vomit beans instead.

I wish people would never misunderstand others.

Granted, everyone who doesn't speak Lojban is shot into the sun.

I wish VR headsets didn't have exclusives(I mean COME ON, they're MONITORS. My headphones don't have exclusive music...).

Granted, but they now cost ten times as much.

I wish Robo4900 would become famous soon enough.

Granted, but then he dominates the world with machines & stuff.

I wish L1N3R1D3R would be more than just really nice.

Granted, but I take your splendid-one-to-behold honor.

I wish we could stop talking about this.

Granted, no one has mouths anymore.

I wish Star Wars: Jedi Knight would finally get its long-overdue new entry.

Granted, but it's quite bad.

I wish the corruption weren't so easy to come up with.

Granted, but then you died.

I wish I could read minds.