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After being out of school for ~6 months now, it's been pretty interesting witnessing all the many and varied directions people are taking in life and it got me wondering, what are these people's definitions of success they're all striving towards? Are they not even sure themselves? Will it change for them?
Doing what I want to do without having to worry about money would be ideal.
Success is when you get back home with a smile because you're sure that your wife and your kids can't wait to see you.
Money/fame doesn't mean anything.
Success is when you get what you have aimed for your whole life.
~What if you have a husband? Does that count as lifefail?Quote:
Originally Posted by OmegaSlayer
People that set themselves targets, like "I want to be X by the time I'm 30" etc - are invariably unhappy people.
They are not content with themselves and think that "achieving" their goal will somehow alleviate this unhappyness. What inevitably happens is when they reach 30, they either a) have not achieved their goal and feel like a failure - or B) have achieved their goal and realise that it isn't how they thought it would be, making them even more unhappy as they realise they have just wasted their youth trying to achieve something that in the event wasn't what they wanted to achieve.
People think that having endless supplies of money would make them happy... but that's not true either. Money can help you to do things that will make you happy, and removes the stresses and worries that come with have little or no money - but it doesn't by itself bring happyness. It also brings it's own worries - millionaires are mistrustful of peoples intentions and constantly worry about either earning their next million, or losing the millions that they have. So they have no 'true' friends and are actually lonely, unhappy people (never heard the phrase "It's lonely at the top"?)
I'm of the budhist philosophy - that so long as you are fed, clothed and sheltered - pretty much all other concerns are secondary.
If you are happy with nothing - then EVERYTHING makes you happy. ;)
Once you alleiviate a state of abject poverty - increases in monetary gain rarely have much of an impact on happiness. In fact - the richest nation on earth - America - is reporting declining rates of happiness, the richer it becomes.
What I'm trying to say is... you have already "won" the game of life... by being alive. Congratulations - your life is a success!
Whatever rocks our boat buddy :)Quote:
Originally Posted by rtm223
@Mac...
we're all born to win, but we live to fail
I fancy your philosophy, but real life is quite different, since we're not meant to be alone.
It's the nature of men (and women too to not disappoint rtm).
It's not only reproduction, it's about finding your "other half of apple".
Success in life. Hmm, interesting.
Until about a year ago I probably wouldn't have been able to answer with anything besides a vague 'being happy and blah blah' comment. Now however, life has changed for me, and I can answer very precisely. For me, my success in life is defined by a number of things:
Seeing my daughter smile, laugh, walk and feed herself for the first time. Watching as she learns something new every day, and being reminded of the fact that she exists only because of me and by husband. That she is learning these things only because we feed her, cloth her and stimulate her development. That she has a bright future ahead of her, because of the hard work we do to support our family and our home, and remembering that just over a year ago, she wasn't even in this world. Seeing how much a person learns in their first year on this world is possibly the most wonderful experience I have ever had, and it's only going to get better as the years go by.
Soppy, well yeah. I'm a new (ish) mum - whaddya expect? :P
Well it depends on the person, but the major thing that drives humans in general are GOALS. Without goals, no matter what circumstances your in, you will get miserable.
Even millionaires have long term goals that they strive to achieve. Whether it be some scientific advancement or improving your golf drive, everyone has some goal.
So in a sense we are built to have many successes although as soon as we reach one, we forget about it and get a new a goal. Humans adapt too easily and always need more. Some more then others.
Sometimes I look at this filthy rich hollywood stars who are committing suicide, and I think to myself "how ignorant of them, they can basically have anything they want and are still unhappy" Then I realized poor, starving, and unhealthy people in africa are saying the same thing about a middle class citizen like myself, who has a roof over his head and is never hungry. However if you made one of those africans a middle class citizen, it will only be a matter of time until he wants more.
Thats when i realized that humans always want more in general. Like i said before, some more then others, and in all honesty the ones that always want more, are the pple that are extremely successful. Their accomplishments are short lived and they quickly need to move onto another goal before they become miserable, then when they finally reach major success like these hollywood actors, they dont kno where to go except drugs and alcohol. Therefore, overall, these people achieve more then someone who is happy for the little things in life, but usually not happier.
So success is all relative to the person, but most people never consider themselves fully successful because their is always something more they want. Human nature.
Who do you think would be a happier with their lot in life - A Lottery Winner or A Paralyzed Accident Victim?
The Answer Might Surprise You
I really like that Rialrees, mostly because I just wouldn't have ever thought about it myself (probably not a bad thing at 18 :p) I definitely agree that raising a child and/or family is a great way to define success. Nice one :)Quote:
Originally Posted by rialrees
After giving it some thought myself, if I had to define success in one line, I would say that at this point in time success in life for me could be determined through the relationships I've developed and deepened with people and the experiences I've had, whether it's good or it's bad doesn't matter but if there's a good story that comes from it, then I think that can be considered a success.
@ Rialrees ;
I'm sure we're all touched by the soppy sentiment ;)
But consider this (you may have to disengage your emotional brain to respond appropriately - this isn;t aimed at you personally - but at parents in general);
What about:
People that can't have children? (due to sterility, for instance)
Would you consider their lives "failures"?
What if your daughter doesn't turn out the way you want to?
Would you consider yourself a failure?
Are you measuring your own success/failure by your child?
Is that fair on the child?
What a party buster! :pQuote:
Originally Posted by Macnme
@Rialrees: That sounds so amazing :) I've always dreamed of the day I'd get married, and I've really hoped that if my future turned out as I hoped, I'd love to have a daughter :) It seems so amazing to be able to just dream of having a child that could depend on you for everything.. And to be able to actually do that, seems even more amazing :) Isn't it hard at times though?
Thank you for sharing that Rial :)
Not me... I'm Mr. Party! :pQuote:
Originally Posted by Sackgirlsrule
Granted it's one of those parties where everyone gets far too drunk and ends up being sick in the toilets - while other people are having a fist-fight in the living room and breaking things - but it's a party none-the-less! :p
I'm just pointing out that having a Child doesn't automatically equal Success;
Many girls would view pregnancy as an end to their chances of achieving their own 'goals' - so could view falling pregnant as a failure (it may even be a mechanical failure, if say the contraception doesn't work).
I mean, it's nice that that child obviously has parents that love her very much - but what about when they hit the terrible teens - and throw a party in their parents house just like the one described above?
Every parent thinks their own child is special - but they can't all be special, the overwhelming majority of them are decidedly average - they are actually just a natural consequence of bodily functions. You wouldn't say that the last time you went to the toilet was a "miracle of life" - but actually it is. The digestive system is so complex and intricately balanced, it's a wonder that it works at all - and yet each day, without fail - we eat and process food. What a 'miracle' ;)
For me, success is not about what you acheive in your own life, but how you can shape others lives. Let me elabourate. I remember reading a Terry Pratchet book called Unseen Academicals (it's a really good read btw) and the main character is a guy called Nutt. He's constantly striving for "worth" and in truth he's not really that sure what worth is at the start. But at the end of the novel he realises that worth isn't how intelligent or rich you are, but rather if you've made enough of an impact to have changed the world for the better. Things like being a good friend, helping a stranger, standing up for someone/something, creating a product that can make someone's life easier or more entertaining. Maybe even saving someone's life or creating a brand new one with someone you love and want to spend the rest of your life with. By the end of your life, being remembered by several people for the things you did right, rather than wrong. Being respected and liked for what you are and what you've accomplished, instead of what you have. For example: people should think of Stephen Hawking as someone who changed our perception of the world around us with science, but the majority of people see him as a bloke with a physical disability, who's really intelligent. Bill Gates isn't seen as an amazing inventor and businessman, but instead as a computer geek with tons of money. Lady Gaga isn't popular for her fantastic voice and down to earth personality but for her crazy outfits and intriguing entrances. It really pees me off how people judge a book by it's cover and never look at the inside. And bringing a child into the world is worth sweet F.A, but raising them into a kind, considerate, determined, optimistic, good natured etc etc adult is possibly one of the best things you could ever do with your life. So, to summarise, what I've described is worth, and worth is success.
The sarcastic beginning is already making me dread this undoubtedly pessimisitc response....Quote:
Originally Posted by Macnme
Ah great pick on the emotional woman lol! Okay, hit me.Quote:
But consider this (you may have to disengage your emotional brain to respond appropriately - this isn;t aimed at you personally - but at parents in general);
First off, I believe the OP asked for my personal definition of success, not what I define as success in life in general. So in answer to your question, no I wouldn't consider their lives failures. What a horrible thing to even contemplate! The fact that I have wanted a child with my husband for the last eight years and finally achieved this goal means that I, personally , am incredibly happy (for the time being at least) and proud that we have reached that point.Quote:
What about:
People that can't have children? (due to sterility, for instance)
Would you consider their lives "failures"?
That does not mean that I believe that everyone should have these values, and nothing in my original comment should have given that impression. If it did, then I apologise :)
The only thing that I would consider failure as a parent is to fail to care about and love my child. Failure to raise the 'perfect child' - who, by the way, truly don't exist - is not my aim. My aim, seeing as you really appear to want to know lol, is to ensure that my daughter is happy in life, and happy no matter what that may mean. No matter what her professional, social, or even sexual preferences and opinions may be when she grows up, (which by the way is an awfully long way away - have you had children? If so were you thinking of this stuff when your child was one year old? lmao) my goal is to support her.Quote:
What if your daughter doesn't turn out the way you want to?
Would you consider yourself a failure?
So, believe it or not, I am a parent who doesn't, and never has, had any idea of what my daughter will be when she grows up. I am not a woman who lives her dreams through her daughter (to answer you next question in part, I suppose) but rather someone whose daughter IS her dream and success. I can't believe I actually have to defend this standpoint lol!
Not entirely, no, I have many other factors in my life which I class as a success. The fact that I earn an above average wage is, in some part, a success. The fact that I have a small group of friend who I trust and whose company I enjoy, is a success. The fact that I have a roof over my head is a success. The fact that in about four years, at the age of Twenty Nine, I will be the Chief Executive of a small but profitable company is a professional success.Quote:
Are you measuring your own success/failure by your child?
Is that fair on the child?
I have many things which define me as a person. I am not a one-faceted object, nor am I a string of words on a computer screen, there to be ridiculed as a 'soppy sentimental mum'. I am a woman who is the main breadwinner for her family. I am a woman with an above average intelligence. I am a woman who has an opinion, and the fact that I didn't state all of this in my original post is simply due to the fact that at that very moment in time, I had much mroe important things to be getting on with, like finishing my coffee break for example lol!
I hope that this answered your questions :)
Hard at times? Try all the time lol! Its by far one of the most difficult things we (my husband and I) have ever done. But it's all worth it - hard work gives its rewards in the end :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Sackgirlsrule
EDIT:
If you really need to know the backstory, I'll tell you. Let's just say I've had a lot of bad experiences with pregnancy until now, and leave it at that, okay? :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Macnme
@ rialrees: Then (and there is no hint of irony or sarcasm here) - Congratulations on your success.
Thanks for elaborating. It did seem from your original post that you had all of your eggs in one child-shaped basket. But as you rightly point out - "Success" means different things to different people.
@ abyssalassassin:
Terry Pratchett is awesome isn't he?
Though that reminds me of a Bill Hicks Quote;
""Here's another idea that should be punctured, the idea that childbirth is a miracle.{...} You want to know a miracle? A miracle is raising a kid that doesn't talk in a movie theater"
Glad we cleared that up without any scuffling :PQuote:
Originally Posted by Macnme
LMAOQuote:
@ abyssalassassin:
Terry Pratchett is awesome isn't he?
Though that reminds me of a Bill Hicks Quote;
""Here's another idea that should be punctured, the idea that childbirth is a miracle.{...} You want to know a miracle? A miracle is raising a kid that doesn't talk in a movie theater"
Quote:
Originally Posted by Macnme
You seem to be presupposing that success == happiness.Quote:
Originally Posted by Macnme
Simple answer. Get Mm picked and get a job because of that level ;)