Grab The Gold!

[Sir monacle]

I'm certain your price does not match up to that of what the country pays. He refuses your offer and sends you to my Dungeon. Upon your arrival, I decide to let you go, as you long as you promise not to go after my half of the gold.

[TenebrisNemo]

You half gold was just a yellow rock all along! I switched it during our time in your dimension.

Both gold halves are in my ship, where I have fused them together and painted them in black color so you'll never find it in my ship.

[Sir monacle]

Thanks for telling me where they are, what you've done with 'em and how to find it!

I use this information to take the gold, set up some explosives and kill us both. I detonate the bomb, destroying not only the ship, but also our limbs!

[TenebrisNemo]

That's what you thought when you blew up yourself like a suicide bomber.

My wooden leg had a hidden mechanic which transforms into an indestructible shield ball, containing me inside of it. The ship also stays unharmed because your bomb is only effective enough to rip apart bodies, not strong enough to destroy Golden Sanctuary.

We dump your body parts from the toilet and clean the mess while I am having a nap, feeling happiness when I know that my gold bar is hidden from thieves like you.

[Sir monacle]

I get all these cool-looking robot parts. As a cyborg, your sensors and traps are confused as to what I am. I abuse this to sneak aboard your ship and steal back my half of the gold. I then swallow my half of the gold, meaning if you want it, you will have to tear me apart.

[TenebrisNemo]

After some time, we finally find you in your old sanctuary in Mars. We prepare for a war against you and your plushies. My loyal pirates shoot galactic cannons against your armies as they try to destroy us by throwing their bodies at us in great numbers.

However, quality beats quantity, and after days of fighting, we make it to your throne room, where me and two of my most loyal pirates fight against you and your robot monacles. The battle is tough and hard as I cut your servants down with my steel blade and the wooden arm's ethereal blade. My friends use pistols and energy swords against the robot monacles. The robot monacles are tough and large, using energy to create lightning bullets and shooting them at us. Yet we are experienced enough to dodge and parry them.

You are sitting on the throne for the whole fight. When only me, my pirates and you remain, you stand up and try to kill us with your mind tricks. You try to make us kill ourselves by sending negative energy to our souls, but my defensive mechanic saved us just in time. With sweat and blood, I strike you down with my both blades, cutting you into pieces.

I take your gold half and when I do, your self-destruct mechanic begins its countdown. We rush back to Golden Sanctuary, blast off into outer space and watch the biggest explosion of Mars from there. Your sanctuary is no more.

[Sir monacle]

The gold is gone, torn away by the hands of your army, with the scraps of technology you left behind in your battle, I was able to stop myself from dying. I tried staying within the crumbles of my kingdom, but I just couldn't rest. I knew that you would find me here. The only solution I had was to turn myself in, after all, you're bad people, but you're not savages. I knew that the only thing you would do is board me unto your prison and kill me if I try to escape. Was the gold even in your prison? It wouldn't make much sense if it was, but a warden must visit his prison, and on your ship lies the gold.


I called your army, and I told them what I was offering. My offer was that if I go to prison, I would not cause you any hassle. What choice did they have? Kill me in the face of public? They're not savages, and they want the best publicity that can be offered. To them, it was the "honourable" thing to do.


After a long journey, I was finally aboard the prison. I had nothing on me but the clothes on my back. Prison was hard, but I survived. I met a group of people who knew of my plans. They knew of the gold, the prison and the warden. They too wanted to escape, but now they no longer know of the outside world. They asked me to gather scraps of technology so they could aid in my plan. the thing they wanted to make was a weapon. A powerful one at that, too. The day of your visit grew near, and I started to worry. If it's not finished upon that day, I will not be able to escape.


The day arrived, and I decided to check on the group. What I saw wasn't them. What I saw was two gaurds gawking over the weapon crafted by the now deceased group. I did what must have been done. I killed them both, just as the clock struck twelve. I needed to hide, so you could get closer. You came close. The plan was finally in action. I got up and grabbed you as my hostage. If anybody wanted to stop me, there would have to be a bullet between your eyes. I climbed aboard your empty ship clutching you at my shoulder. I started the ship up, and threw you off. Before you knew it, I was out of the prison with the gold.

[Robo4900]

Over a year later, you finally reach a point where you decide to cash in some of the gold, only to find it was fake... At some point, I had switched the gold before you even got ahold of it all that time ago. The real gold was safely in my spare pants pocket.

[TenebrisNemo]

I woke from a coma that had lasted for over a year. I was no longer human nor a cyborg; there was no steel, skin, or flesh on me. I had become something pirates always have thanks to their curse; a skeleton. As I rose from the metal shell that contained me, I look around with my mind's eye, and find myself in a dim, grey, yet peaceful, round metal room, where other empty metal shells with glass doors were lying around in a neat order. I left the room through a sturdy, metal door that opened and closed behind me by itself.

When I entered the next room that was well lit, I found a chest, that resembled the one my old pirates had in our old ship. As I open it with the key I noticed hanging in my neck, the gold was there with a note:

"Ahoy, matey! If you ever wake up again, take this gold which we had been searching for a long time. Turned out, the real one was in a witty guy's pocket all this time, and we managed to switch it to a fake without them noticing during their sleep. We all have left our pirate lives behind, but thanks to the adventures you brought us, we wanted to leave this true gold for you. Cheers!"

With a grin, I grabbed the gold, walked outside from the sanctuary and find myself in a forest of an unknown planet. Next to the sanctuary is a one-man space ship. I board it with the gold, and fly to outer space.

[Outlaw-Jack•]

The vacuum of space does not prevent the trajectory of bullets; in fact, it provides a unique benefit. See, when the limitations of planetary gravity is removed, inertia and velocity are left to run wild and increase exponentially without consequence, thus leaving a normal, combustion-propelled projectile to accumulate far greater speed than humanly thought possible. In short, when the bullet strikes the pressurized hull of your spaceship, you will have never seen it coming, as it continues on its faster-than-light course through the universe after puncturing and imploding the vessel.

Hovering around the remains of the spaceship, I attempt to pry the gold away from your cold, dead hands... and then resume to pry your cold, dead, severed hands from their icy, deadlocked grip from the gold and chuck 'em away. Disgusting things, corpses are.

Satisfied, I swallow the gold whole and coast back to my Vengeance-class Battle Cruiser, then plunge straight into the Warp.