Corrupt Wishes

[L1N3R1D3R•]

Granted, but it happens right now to only you.

I wish I didn't sleep through alarms.

[TenebrisNemo]

Granted, then aliens attack U.S.A and you won't wake up for the alarm and get captured and turned into a slime which lives for 2 seconds.

I wish for good places to hide my stuff.

[L1N3R1D3R•]

Granted, but it's in a bomb shelter in China.

I wish I could play games with Mini Ladd.

[TenebrisNemo]

Granted, but if one of you quits or dies, the bomb within your stomachs will explode.

I wish I can play anything I want.

[L1N3R1D3R•]

Granted, but you may not take your eyes off the game for one second or you will be lynched.

I wish phones would allow for much more customization so bootlegging them is unnecessary.

[TenebrisNemo]

Granted, but now the chance to blow up every phone in the world is 97%.

I wish I get Sorin, Solemn Visitor.

[L1N3R1D3R•]

Granted, but you have just proven your addiction to Magic: The Gathering.

I wish my box could hold a lot more cards, and also become closer to a square than a long rectangle.

[TenebrisNemo]

Granted, but then you have to use cards as brains.

I wish people would realize that everyone who breathes oxygen dies.

[L1N3R1D3R•]

Granted, but people then realize that that's a terrible joke.

I wish I knew which ideas were the funniest to make into cards.

[TenebrisNemo]

Granted, but you're in Soviet Russia where cards knows which ideas are the funniest to make into you!

I wish dust mites are as big as trucks.

[L1N3R1D3R•]

Granted, but why would you do such a thing?

I wish the new year's eve party I'm going to tonight weren't restricted to being family-friendly.

[TenebrisNemo]

Granted, but then you wake up with pain in your butt.

I wish for a gift box.

[L1N3R1D3R•]

Granted, but Sir monacle is inside.

I wish for a monocle.

[TenebrisNemo]

Granted, but you transform into Sir monacle when you look at it.

I wish I could warp into other places.

[L1N3R1D3R•]

Granted, but the first place you must warp to is my house.

I wish phone batteries wouldn't slowly deteriorate the more you charge them.

[TenebrisNemo]

Granted, but the phones will break completely after using them for 1 week.

I wish I'm invincible.

[L1N3R1D3R•]

Granted, but you can't leave your house.

I wish I could be in college right now, it seems better than my school currently.

[TenebrisNemo]

Granted, but then you realize its 100% worse and you get killed by books.

I wish I would live peacefully on the mountains.

[L1N3R1D3R•]

Granted, but you have no internet access.

I wish I could become an engineer.

[TenebrisNemo]

Granted, but then you do something wrong and explode at the 1st day.

I wish I wasn't forced to become a slave.