Stand-up quotes.

[Valeview]

I, myslef, am a fan of stand-up :-)
Thought it would be a good idea to get everyone to post a few of their faveorite lines.

Anyway:

I used to think sticks and stones could break my bones, but words could never hurt me....Until I fell into a printing press.

-Milton Jones.

So what if I can't spell "apocalypse"...It's not the end of the world!

-Greg Davies

Anyway, there's probably more but I'm too tired to remember :-)

[DominationMags]

"I was reading the newspaper a few seconds ago and I heard Jesus in my mind say "Form a band...""
-My brother

[>er]

I've always wanted to kick a duck up the ****
-Karl Pilkington

[CyberSora]

'What more can I do to put a stop to this mind numbing noise you are making. Where is the line between patting and hitting; when is rocking rocking, and when is it "shaking"?'

~ Tim Minchin

The way he stares into the camera as he says this gets me every time.