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  1. #721

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    come in peace, but in reality

    Xtrahuman is the person responsible for this thread which has horrible grammar and is growing rather slowly like no other thread has before, and just when you thought it was about to end, a marshmallow came down from the sky and squished its gelatin which oozed out all over my potato chips next to my TV remote which held all of the secrets to the forbidden temple of the Chia pet in addition to the channels of my TV which counted as high as 656 or 959, if you looked at the TV upside down, which caused the TV to turn the screen upside down for you and defied the laws of physics, however it's okay because I don't believe in the laws of physics because I am a creationist who likes cheese on the spaghetti I eat when Mario requests it for dinner while teaching Luigi how to carry a franchise on your shoulders during the 1929 depression which affected me, meanwhile I go on a search for a golden turtle with the power of flight for carrying babies and dropping them into baskets that were filled with snakes which were allergic to the babies, who scared the snakes which bit the baby, giving him an allergic reaction to biscuits cut in half with jelly in between to make a biscuit sandwich thingy that caused an explosion that ruined my reputation, and yet the baby ate too many sandwiches causing him to suddenly hate LBP2, so I then banished him to the land of large, sweaty buffalo, which promptly began to lick me in comraderie, then put me back in my mom's basement, which was filled with creepy giant octopi and oysters filled with oysters, so they could fill themselves with even more oysters so as to create an infinite loop of oyster-ception, causing the collapse of civilization as we know it without any wild xtrahuman to stop it... oh wait there he is, with ten pounds of fried pinto beans to save the world somehow, but pinto beans can't reproduce, so he had to grab a nice lunch, which had a sandwich and a pickle which was tasty, but the pickle was the TV again, which still was upside down but I flipped it, making people into Frankenturrets, so GLaDOS got a hold of a tank of neurotoxin, and she choked everyone in the Enrichment Center, but I was cast off into space, meaning everything in Aperture returned to more or less normal, until Valve made Portal 3, in which Wheatley returns from space after GLaDOS needs his help, because Chell is gone and Aperture needs test subjects, so GLaDOS gives Wheatley legs and arms and makes him a subject, so Wheatley is the playable character then, meaning he's not in space, so meme users spammed the internet with "I'M NOT IN SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE," which made Valve send out an update that replaced the space core with the curiosity core, but the fans got sick of hearing "Who are you?" instead of "I'M IN SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!!!," at which point I stepped in a pile of SHAAAAAAAAAVING CREAM, although it was rather messy and such, so I got a free refund from real estate agencies and cranky old men, and then I went to the park to go poop on the hedges while eating a lobster and being stalked by Orville Redenbacher, then I told him "Your popcorn is simply scrumptious!", when my dog ate the rest of it because it thought it was edible gold, when in reality it was just buttered popcorn which had been pooped on by that dog, until a meteor hit the dog and split him into a thousand puppies, which started to eat people's food from the park which lead to massive famine and caused massive groups of humans commit cannibalism just to survive, and then the survivors created their own religion that worshipped the god of TV and dogs who grants his disciples remote controls and dog food which they gratefully take and use for their lunatic intentions of taking over Jupiter and making it their ultimate base of weapons, factories, and other helpful equipments to take over the dog population of Saturn, but at that moment the dogs on Saturn made a huge skyscraper which intercepted the lunatic's airship which caused a giant explosion in the middle and, thankfully the dogs managed to survive somehow, and then they decided to make a counter-attack on the human population which resulted in the first Galactic War between humans and dogs in space, and in the end the human race was in threat to go extinct when suddenly a giant turret arose and started to shoot rapidly at the dogs, who whimpered in great agony and they had to go to the canine hospital to get treatment for their injuries which were all over their legs, making most of them invalid and severely inhibiting the ones who always deliver pizza to the bystanders, including the cats which were doing something suspicious on their home planet Felinia when the humans and dogs were busy going to other planets to get more resources for their weaponry and at that moment they heard a loud roar from another galaxy signaling the entrance of the squirrels to this realm, which meant the cats finally had natural prey to hunt for their kittens and eat them for dinner, except when it comes to cat population's official guards, who refuse to eat new animals unless they are proven to be tasty by the Institution of Feline Victuals which is owned by a large company that looks out for feline needs and the company's owner is a tuxedo cat named Muffins who is technically the ruler of the planet Felinia but also makes voyages to other planets which can be pretty dangerous especially if he has to cross the Acidway, Milkyway's neighboring galaxy, that, as the name implies, is deadly for having galactic clouds full of acid in the atmosphere, and so to avoid this, Muffins has created a special device which allows him to move past the acid clouds without harm, and so he uses it to reach an infamous planet which is known across the galaxy as Murrdurr, the dark planet and the home of TenebrisNemo, and that's why Muffins is currently undergoing surgery on his lungs so he can breathe long enough to kill TenebrisNemo's servants whom L1N3R1D3R liked, so he prepared for battle to support TenebrisNemo's prosperity by killing his servants which was a bad desicion because the servants were plotting against him all along and they were ready for the assassination of L1N3R1D3R but Muffins couldn't let that happen because he liked both L1N3R1D3R and TenebrisNemo's pizzas that had every topping imaginable so Muffins came up with a plan which involved the acquisition of Sleepy Shotgun which used sleep powder to make his foes sleepily sleep and to throw them inside a clown disguised bag for keeping all the candy away from the king of the moon, who desperately wanted some Butterfinger but couldn't get any because he is a king who by necessity eats only fancy foods except on Wednesdays when he gorges on all sorts of cheap candy and eats them like crazy until his stomach tells his body to stop but he won't stop, Bob now decided to steal from the King's candy chamber and was disappointed when he saw that all that was left was Butterfinger, so he exclaimed, but someone heard it, alerting the candy hungry guards that candy was being stolen by Bob, who was now experiencing major pain in the form of lashes to L1N3R1D3R who was apparently Bob's voodoo doll who was boiled in water and served to a bunch of slaves who were in a great happy feeling once the cat said "Tonight we feast!" and he began to chow on my signature diarrhea pasta while a meteor hit the pasta and splattered my face all over the news and onto the TNT which started to dance in front of midgets astronauts equipped with Sir monacle plushies with super cannons and suddenly the whole lot exploded into bits but then I woke up with a Sir monacle plushie who was so twisted that I burned him into a Sir monacle plushie who was burned by TenebrisNemo's other Sir monacle plushie who was wearing illuminati suit to activate his powers to dominate TenebrisNemo's bedroom with a pizza party witch who conjured a Sir monacle plushie to torture the actual Sir monacle with sticks and salt in basement "Russia Soviet Russia", where no one will survive the Sir monacle plushie's wrath, however L1N3R1D3R returned and saved Sir monacle and TenebrisNemo's Sir monacle plushie from the evil Sir monacle plushie, witch had a Sir monacle plushie for her wizard husband TenebrisNemo who loved his witch wife so much that he bought her a lollipop chainsaw with mega doom blast power and together they bought Sir monacle plushies for their future children in the mysterious planet of Murrdurr where Sir monacle plushie's monocles are being sold in local stores all over the world and the universe, where they plan to take over planet Munacle, which is home of the Ms Munacle teddy's evil secret lair full of dog population's secret weapons that she locked up because the weapons were powerful enough to destroy her entire mound of garbage in the Trazh moon, home of the dog population's good prince, Dogarus, great fan of Bozo the clown and a charismatic golden retriever with a peculiar interest for lollipops which are made by the Lollipop Guild in the sir monacle plushie's own home planet, also where the fat people are happy, round brownie population thrive, and pizza monsters wander the dank meme streets of the internet, wondering where the taco truck opens on Tuesdays for their weekly hamburger supreme special with taco meat, salsa, and cats which came from a mysterious wormhole, however the monsters favourite ice cream truck is closed due to the arrival of the Dark Lord TenebrisNemo and his sidekick Sir monacle plushie who obeys his master's every command to destroy humanity with destructive world end machines which operate using a giant remote control from Bozo the Clown's pants which are known from Bozo's story ark in Star Trek the Musical which is a well-known musical starring Brad Pitt as Bozo the Clown's pants in a tarantula pit with Ron Weasley who is suffering from hypothermia because he ate my chilly pepper with his macaroni, which resulted in causing him to gain gastro-oesophageal reflux disease which made him become a vegetable that tastes like a lollipop because Ron's wand was broken in such a way that anything he tried to cast backfired on Hermione and gave her awkward situations which involved her and Ron kissing while Voldemort was screaming "Why am I here?" while Harry Potter had to prevent Majora's moon crashing into the world; meanwhile, lazy Mario was eating some mushrooms and growing big so he could mass murder some turtles and put them in his soup of destruction and eat it with pleasure while taunting Browser who was so angry that he breathed fire, but as always he hired some turtles and I miss the rains down in Africa because they gave me joy because I am a lone ape who just wants attention and bananas, but you give them instead to gorillas and that makes me annoyed, so I call for the Ape force which will aid me in escaping from the prison of Azkaban along with Sirius Black, the godfather of the boy who lived for a few minutes before being bullied by a spell named Imperius, which forced him to commit suicide by using a spoon to poke himself in the earlobe but that didn't kill him so he then tried a golf-club right through his heart, SPLISSHHH and the result was breathtaking *ba-dum TSS!* and at the sight of this, Snape lost his mind and started to call his fellow colonels including John Brutus who is known for usurping his title from another colonel with an army of mice who ate through his provisions, "Oh what a poo", he said when Snake suddenly appeared and got in to a Bo Staff fight with Snape who called Dumbledore for help but he was busy trying to teach Harry something about magic and puberty, but eventually Moody joined the fight and they fought like monkeys until Hermione joined the fight and stopped everyone with her wand which had previously broken but was fixed by a magical wizard whose name was Harrybo's Grandad, but pointlessly he was never a granddad so I shot him in the face, however the dog population started to breed werewolves who always interrupted my sleep, howling and destroying my rare glass mini-me collection which made me so angry that I slipped on my robe and fell into a rabbit hole, at least I didn't get injured but a white rabbit with a ticking clock recruited me in the war effort against the wizards, so I equipped myself The Sword of Suns which is known to most as the godly blade is able to ward off evil with a single slice at the cost of one's stamina, but fortunately I got a stamina upgrade and I'm able to glue together my rare glass mini-me collection while fighting against the evil wizards whom I begin to attack with my fellow party members who get angry at me, but I find a way to repay them using my hair and gold dust, and now the lot of them follow me to the end of my days and constantly heal me, allowing me to fight against the wizards without having to worry about my health points, but sometimes they use the wrong spell and send me flying over the Grand Canyon so fast that I broke the sound barrier which sounded cool but ultimately caused fatal injury to my ears and the surrounding birds, which was reported to be an alien attack, but when the authorities arrived, they confirmed that the cause of the sound was none other than myself, a hideous​ alien called jimydog000, straight from the planet Frewquip, which is known to have extreme weathers such as raining tornadoes, snowing snowmen, and misty lava storms, which makes the meteorologist have a bad time to forecast all those weathers and so he's paid a thousand platinum coins a day to pay off his mortgage and to keep him satisfied, because he needs to see his reflection, where he notices that he has a huge nose which is considered by the residents of Frewquip to be a mark of intelligence and charisma but by the residents of Earth its considered to be a sign of stupidity, so the weatherman didn't have any fan clubs on earth and in fact, they find him to be an ugly abomination because of his nose, so he decided to make the people on the earth follow his will by pointing out interesting facts about their inevitable death, like how Elvis was the best but died anyway and how Michael Jackson died and that made the people on earth very happy, but the Earthlings were not amused so they decided to retaliate with guns that are so powerful and dangerous that their kitten-bullets make every object which they hit turn adorable, which was the ultimate fate of Purrey, the cat groomer who turned into a big slimy dog whence our frog got its legs checked out and jumped of a cliff, where it squished onto the head of an octopus that decided to take a nap but now it's angry and wants to unleash its anger upon everything, living or not so it starts exacting its anger but something was going on that made it stop and look like a Goofy because he suddenly grew long ears and heard everything what I did and forced me to pay him 5 000 000 bucks because I was not paying attention to the teacher who apparently was a sir monacle plushie who got killed by a darklord who shouted: "THIS IS MORDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR!" and then ran around the halls but accidentally ran against a pillar and died, causing internal conflict between dark lords and dwarves over who would inherit the Monacle Throne, the trial of kings begins in the pits of Sir monacle plushies who were late for tea time and got executed but this caused anger among the Sir monacle plushie forces who decided to attack the planet of maggots that ironically was being ruled by Sir monacle maggot who is known for breaking the rules he's set for himself and thus ruining life for him and everyone else who have lived on that planet including Nemo who is sitting on the Darklord's throne and L1N3 who was enjoying the ride of his glorious sled, but little did he know that he was on the dark castle's lawn, which meant that the dark castle was too big for the dark lord's own good so he left and donated the castle to starving children who liked to eat the castle's stone pillars because it tasted like chocolate and it brought happiness to their faces, but little did they know about the secret lair below the castle which stored 892 bars of heavenly chocolate which turned them into gods of all chocolates and so if you've ever heard of the milk man, you should know that he worshiped little kids who became chocolate gods and their names were Billy, Sarah, John and Bob, who was the leader of the bunch, you know like the old Greek god Zeus who, apparently, is comprised of four children that embody the four elements of the world, water, earth, fire, windmills, except there weren't windmills because Don Quijote destroyed them which upset Michael Rosen, who created those windmills when he was in Ms. Goodall's class which is known to have a strict no-breathing policy which is ridiculous because if you don't breathe, you will get a cancer which will kill all the bees in Europe, causing natural disorder and reducing amounts of honey, making Winnie the Pooh very sad and start searching people's houses for honey, but one day he found Tigger who was jumping around and yelling cuss words, which was caused by annoying gorillas stealing his signature song and destroying his home with rocket launchers, so Pooh decided to put things right and drown them in honey, which was a success but led to Pooh being arrested and sentenced to death by Piglet, a major environmentalist, who was furious because of Eeyore being lazy and not working for the community because he walks too slowly and tries to build homes for the homeless turtles, but what he doesn't know is gravity which collapses homes that have no structure and makes the homeless turtles very sad until they realize that they have had enough of this and get the hell out, leaving everyone in the streets envious, and they started to build their own country which they named "Peopleville" and the people in Peopleville were very happy because they were finally having a place to call Pizza Hut and ask for some delicious pizza except that it's not delicious and its made of skin so Pizza Hut shut down, and the people raged because they wanted pizza, so they took all the ingredients from the sushi restaurant and cooked a spicy Sir monacle plushie who became the leader of the people but then people realized that he was corrupt, so they burned him and instead elected L1N3R1D3R as the Mayor and TenebrisNemo as the head sheriff, however it was said that a Darklord possessed Nemo to bring destruction to the Peopleville and L1N3R1D3R had to protect them but he was unaware that Ali-Star had the same plan expect that he needed dragons which L1N3R1D3R accounted for, so they hunted the dark lord, but the Darklord was on Nemo's flying hippo, and he baked pizza for the people of Mordor, little did they know that they would get pizza from the fires of mount Doom which is just the right temperature to heat up 5 000 pizzas at once which Pizza Hut could only dream of, therefore Pizza Doom was created and replaced every Pizza Hut of the country which was all part of quake conspiracy to create an empire ruled by NathanBros and his green & red bros who would run every pizza store and eat pizza everyday all in the name of the big man himself... ...Sir monacle, who was secretly planning the resurrection of LBPCentral.com, but he needed powerful souls to complete this task, so he tried asking the local citizens of the lovely town, but none of them wanted because Sir monacle had a bad reputation for not following any rules and saying mean things to the village, like "IX II IX XII" and they got offended because Roman numerals are the spawn of Julius Caesar's rotten thumbs and fingers, which he probably used to swipe himself in toilet while hunting smelly Pokemon's rare candies, but then he realized that that was gross and just threw his phone into the toilet and flushed it, until the phone transformed into the Kraken and began destroying the very town Sir Monacle needed help from and everyone was screaming "Oh no, help us!" when suddenly L1N3R1D3R and his Rosen army attempted to face the Kraken head on with sleds and poopy spears which didn't work, but luckily one Michael Rosen made an oversized plum gun, which L1N3R1D3R used to annihilate this spawn of the devil and finally the Kraken blew away into an egg with a strange smell that reminded L1N3R1D3R vaguely a rotten thumb which was stolen by Sir monacle himself when he felt special things were happening somewhere in his head, next to the White House where Obama was packing his stuff and preparing to welcome the new president, TenebrisNemo and his followers who wisely abandoned the planet of Sir_monacles and Donald Trumps which were ruining that planet with their bad logic that somehow was seen as good logic by them because they should have just used the things called brains but nooo, they decided to quit being humans and started to run for president to ruin their homes like there was a hope for America, except there wasn't hope for them so they all escaped to Hell, where they found out a Doom portal to Mars which they quickly took because they thought it was a good place to escape from hell but Mars was full of demons, proving that Christianity was indeed a religion full of lies and deception, so Nemo and his followers came up with a plan to destroy all churches that were spawning the demons with radio signals, which started to summon demons from Mars that traveled to Earth with surfboards in space powered by rockets, meaning that they're going to invade in style and Captain Falcon will obviously wear his fashion clothes which will give him confidence boost as well as speed boost so he can protect Earth from aliens who pretend they come in peace, but in reality

    ...recalls ​the thread

  2. #722
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    they want to steal all our

  3. #723

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    brains by sucking them with

  4. #724
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    twisty straws, and then they

  5. #725

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    are surprised when Cpt. Falcon

  6. #726
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    Falcon Punches them in the

  7. #727

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    far corners of the outer space

  8. #728
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    which was heard around the

  9. #729

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    universe, even in planet

  10. #730
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    Earth which was millions of

  11. #731

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    Captain Falcon mains who
    Big ol' Nintendo/LBP Nerd
    __________________________________________________ _______________________________


  12. #732
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    don't care about respect

  13. #733

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    over old smelly happy people
    "Exaggerations went up by a million percent last year."
    My blog: Sylenth1 VST Synth

  14. #734
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    so they often visit

  15. #735

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    the therapist, Zachinator who

  16. #736
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    advises them to Falcon Punch

  17. #737

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    the people who annoys

  18. #738
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    Grammar Nazis for that verb

  19. #739

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    until they shout "tää peli imee"

  20. #740
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    and rampage and destroy

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