Let's Kill xtremesackboy in Extremely Malevolent Ways!

[L1N3R1D3R•]

You are one of twelve students and a teacher in Columbine High School on April 20, 1999.

[Sir monacle]

You become Sir louis XIV, on the date of: 3-FEB-1852. What I did on that day shall forever curse me.

[L1N3R1D3R•]

You are Private Ryan.

[TenebrisNemo]

You are L1N3R1D3R who probably hasn't watched Saving Private Ryan.

[L1N3R1D3R•]

You are TenebrisNemo after I get angry at him for assuming what great movies I've watched.

[TenebrisNemo]

You are Hitler. Too bad that Hitler killed you.

[L1N3R1D3R•]

You are Trump. Too bad that Putin's influence killed you.

[Sir monacle]

In this play, you play as the humble town drunk - L1N3R1D3R, okay, seeing as you're playing yourself, you won't have to wear a costume, okay?
Wait, no! I said you didn't have to wear a costume! Put that hat back... Put it back!

That's it, I give up. You're dead to me now.

[TenebrisNemo]

You are the LBP servers in Japan.

[L1N3R1D3R•]

You are any person after hearing BigJigglyPanda's laugh.

[TenebrisNemo]

You are any person after smelling LN13R1D3R's armpit.

[L1N3R1D3R•]

You are TenebrisNemo after I rage at him for misspelling my straightforward name.

[Sir monacle]

I lock you in a room with nothing but twenty television screens all flashing six-second vines until your brain rots, leaving nothing but a corpse and a pile of sludge that used to be your brain.

[TenebrisNemo]

I give you Cid's tobacco. Put the crap is so powerful, your lungs immediately explode.

[L1N3R1D3R•]

You are TenebrisNemo after even more Grammar Nazis show up to take him for misspelling "but", an even easier word.

[Sir monacle]

You are me, but I am you, but if you are me and I am you, then I am truly me, but if I'm me and you are me then that means I am you, but if you are me and I am you, then that means I am me, but if I'm me and you are me, then I must really be you, but if you are me and I am you then that means I am me.

Your head explodes, meaning that my head explodes, meaning that your head explodes, meaning tha-

[TenebrisNemo]

You look like a chocobo when Red XIII is around.

[L1N3R1D3R•]

Against your will, I force you into a mystical vending machine, and you die so that something else comes out.

[Sir monacle]

Xxv xv xxi x xxi xix xx vi xii xv xvi xx xv xx viii v vi xii xv xv xviii - iv v i iv

[TenebrisNemo]

You are L1N3R1D3R who falls into black paint bucket and gets killed by warning shots of the police.